The Gridiron Geek has admitted to “Tanglefoot bias” numerous times in the tenure of Mississippi Magazine. Our publication roots for the local-est of local boys to win, no doubt, but still adopts various neighbors as its own when Jeff-Co area cheering options are whittled down in the playoffs. Readers who expect to find gold, blue, or “Blue Jay”-shaded glasses on The Geek’s brow must visit before September for a series of hopeful, optimistic previews, beginning with alma mater and other Festus-area teams.
But if TGG has a secret “sweetheart” of a team to cover this season, they’re nowhere to be found within Festus city-limits. You’ve got to bid farewell at the Stoplight Diner, trot across a hectic Main Street intersection if you dare, and hop over a nameless creek with a total of 5 bluegill and a mink residing in it. There, you’ll find the most surprisingly formidable pigskin town of 2022.
The Crystal City Hornets. You know, the team that wasn’t going to be around very much longer. With the stadium that the Mississippi flooded into a slough once every 2 years. The program whose 11 or 12 kids had to play on offense, defense, and special teams, and serve as janitors in the concession stand at 9:45 PM.
Yep, those Crystal City Hornets. There are getting close to 30 of the buzzers now, and in 2022, they could become the most unlikely Jefferson County power of all in an era of Cinderella bids.
Recall that CCHS went on a by-golly winning streak in 2021 with only a handful of upperclassmen toiling for the Varsity. This season, it’s by-golly difficult to look at Crystal City’s 26-man roster and find any obvious weakness, even with QB Cyle “Battlestar” Schaumburg comprising half of the ’22 team’s senior corps.
Schaumburg’s OL will include 5 upperclass blockers, and what’s more, the boys from Sunken Place may have a deeper, more versatile line than St. Pius, Herculaneum, or Grandview this fall. While it’s true St. Pius and Herky can boast of having more proven difference-makers up front, there’s also yawning gaps between the starters and backups on each school’s depth chart. Crystal City, strange as it may sound, could actually lose as many as 2-3 offensive linemen to injury and still get along okay.
Crystal’s backfield may develop into a grease-lightning unit by the time backup QB Nolan Eisenbeis takes over next year. Caden “Don’t Call Me Gerry” Raftery is a powerful runner who gained 648 yards and made 19 solo tackles as a sophomore last autumn. A-back Kanden Bolton is poised for a breakout junior campaign, and Eisenbeis is already a weapon as a Varsity rusher and WR.
With irony, at least 3 formerly-eligible players have transferred away or chosen not to take part in 2022. The Geek wishes no disrespect to whatever those students are doing now, or to whichever new campus/hobby has welcomed them. There’s no cosmetic reason for a padawan to think CCHS pigskin will turn into anything special this decade. On defense, the program fared so poorly in 2019-20 and early 2021 that even a nifty offense could have a hard time keeping up with the points-against, dooming Crystal City to years of “UCLA” status, and eventually another dark era of losing when the Class of 2024 graduates. But if there’s any family members who pushed the outgoing kids to seek alternative campuses (as a legendary Texas coach said, “there’s always an uncle”) they ought to know that by 2024, their kids might feel like airmen who survived the Ardennes Offensive only to skip town just as General Patton was about to toast a liberated Bastogne. Hornets of all ages have endured a torturous 5-year ordeal to keep their pigskin brand alive. Now, due to the stunning development of Crystal’s Middle School athletes, a huge payoff may be on the horizon.
The cavalry (if not the Third Army) arrives this fall as last year’s nearly-perfect 8th Grade team boosts Crystal City High’s numbers. Defensive tackle Max Nelson made margarine out of opposing guards and centers as a youth player, and already provides Varsity size at 220 lbs. Fellow frosh newcomer Malikai Lang adds depth at OT. Freshman A-back Ricardo Pastrana brags of a “4.8” 40-yard dash time on his HUDL page, which TGG would be skeptical of, except that Pastrana also dutifully lists his modest bench-press weight of 175 alongside the track-speed number. That’s not indicative of a kid inflating his deets. Meanwhile, 4.8 is blistering speed for a small-school Junior High player. If Pastrana really did run a 40-yard dash in 4.8 seconds in Middle School, then it’s no wonder the 2021 8th Grade team won 5 times in a row.
As for the defense, it was always unrealistic to think Crystal City could stand up to the fatigue of playing with 15 young men. CCHS was well on its way to a shut-out in Week 1 of last season when the front-7 got tuckered-out against Chaffee. Crystal’s defense was combative in last year’s District Q-Final against St. Pius until the same syndrome started to set-in. That’s way less likely to happen in 2022 with the presence of so many “platoon” specialists on a far bigger roster, a factor that has helped nearby defenses from Herculaneum, Festus, and Seckman improve since 2019.
This year’s schedule is another reason for optimism. Daniel Fox has not “sandbagged” the side’s Class 1 slate in any way, in fact, Crystal’s newly-formed relationships with C4 opponents like Gateway Tech and Union are more of an eye-popping gamble than a logical next step for the Sunken Place. But in 2022, CCHS appears lucky enough to be facing a number of vulnerable teams in rebuilding mode, including Confluence Prep, Missouri Military Academy, and Van-Far, which thankfully must travel from its own Solar System to appear in a Hornet home game on 10/7. There’s no way Missouri Military Academy has improved enough since last year’s drubbing to avoid more beat-downs this season. The same could be said about Bayless, in spite of the marvelous progress made by the start-up Bronchos over a short time.
Week 5’s booking against Gateway STEM (forever known to MSHSAA nerds as “Gateway Tech”) is either a sign of confidence or patent insanity on behalf of administrators. Yes, the Jaguars had some problems with Windsor in November, and lost to C2’s Carnahan during a 4-6 campaign last season. But then again, Gateway has more kids in its senior class than CCHS’s entire body of students, and the “4-6” Jags held Class 4 District champion Vashon to minimal rushing yards in a contest last October.
The Varsity Hornets could be blessed to stay healthy and avoid a Turbo Clock against Gateway STEM, even if carrying a 3-1 or undefeated record into the kickoff. Yet the Hornets will receive MSHSAA seeding bonus-points just for playing the C4 Jaguars.
Week 9’s game is a triumph of out-of-conference scheduling. Without a shared league or a COVID-19 pause forcing anyone’s hand, the Herculaneum Blackcats and Crystal City Hornets have agreed to a home-and-home Senior Night series slated to kick-off this fall. It’s swell that instead of just reviving the county’s ancient rivalry game, coaches have chosen to make it a season-ending gala for Tri-City spectators, giving the emotional non-conference scrum a vibe not unlike “Rivalry Weekend” in the FBS. It’s certain that a few old-timers will shed tears upon finding out the annual showdown between Hornets and Blackcats is back on.
Herky will be a tough nut to crack, a senior-laden rival with superb QB credentials of its own in Jackson Dearing. But don’t count on HHS having a better W/L record when the teams clash at Dunklin R-5 on October 21st. Besides, the Felines’ likely MSHSAA Class 3 status for 2022 gives the Hornets another 20-up bonus.
The Geek’s offseason correspondence with Coach Fox included a curious remark from the skipper about Nolan Eisenbeis competing to take snaps this year. At first, The Geek felt that the coach had gone a little overboard trying to talk up CCHS’s summer-time competition for skill position roles, something that Fox has not enjoyed before since coming on at Crystal City. Giving the slightest hint that QBs could be swapped-out can be risky for coaches with an entrenched senior lynchpin, as speculation can affect the confidence and game-day moxie of a starting signal-caller. On a personal note, TGG would be shell-shocked if “Battlestar” were replaced by a Cylon, let alone a human backup this fall.
But remember that Crystal City is an option-football team, and that the Hornets should enjoy lots of garbage-time in the 4th quarter, especially against the MMA Colonels and Van-Far Indians. Eisenbeis, the heir-apparent QB with Schaumburg leaving in 2023, should get plenty of Friday snaps no matter what. Schaumburg’s passing will continue to develop, and his crafty ball-handling skills are invaluable to the Crystal playbook, but he could also become a devilish asset from alternative positions on the razzle-dazzle. Eisenbeis’ presence as a solid passer playing A-back could also make Schaumburg a terrific threat on gadget plays, including double passes and throw-backs from the RB.
Schaumburg’s aerial stats are pretty good, at least for a senior who had only 30 pass attempts in 2021 following the black-and-blue beatings of his sophomore campaign. Fellow senior Hayden Reynolds should be a solid contributor this year. But the most exciting aspect of Varsity Hornet pigskin might be that Reynolds and Schaumburg are the ONLY players who graduate next May.
That’s right – CCHS’s legions who came alive as a diaper-dandy den of defiance in 2020-21 will be sticking around for 2 more years, while the Class of 2026’s promising talent is poised to impress at the Sunken Place for the next 4 seasons. Fans must stay patient in late summer and early fall, as it’s near impossible for a junior-laden lineup to score a bunch of major upsets quickly. Far from having a 1-shot opportunity, though, the Hornets will get chances upon chances to steal the spotlight for years to come, and a fair ’22 schedule puts a positive W/L record in sight immediately.