Valle University 20, Festus High School 6
Friday’s Festus Tiger loss was so grim, grinding, and gol’dang ugly that it turned The Gridiron Geek’s usual recapping style on its head. Mississippi Magazine readers are used to the “this, BUT that” tone from TGG when a Tri-City team loses a marquee tussle. This time, there’s only bad – and worse – news to relay on Week 2’s defeat.
Coach Ofodile called it a game of mishaps and missed opportunities, and he’s right. The litany of game-turning fumbles, fouls, and flags is too much to recount on scroll, but suffice to say that the Tigers’ first touchdown was called back with a “taunting” penalty (with nobody around to be taunting, but anyway), and the boys’ next real chance for a comeback was nixed by a holding penalty at the 5-yard line. When FHS finally got on the board in the 2nd half, Valle U. put a morale-killing stamp on its 48:00 special teams advantage with an immediate kick-return romp for a touchdown. Festus took close to 150 yards in penalties, compared to about 20 yards for Valle U.
Cleaner teams win the scrums of September, and R-6 can afford to lose once or twice given that Hillsboro, FHS, and North County are drawn into the easiest District bracket this side of UEFA’s Group E. Whoever wins the Festus vs Hillsboro game in Week 5 is probably going to host the District Championship Game in Week 12. What’s more worrisome is that the Festus Tigers did not win the line of scrimmage against the Warriors, as Seckman High was able to do. Massively touted by none other than The Geek himself, the 2023 Festus offensive line may not be much more than a role-player.
Seckman lost a generational senior class while Festus potentially gained one, and yet the Tigers’ push in the trenches was weak compared to the Jaguars’ epic blocking from Week 1. That’s a fearsome thought, as it might take 50 points to beat Hillsboro.
Valle U. coach Dex R. Stacky called out The Geek in his postgame remarks (there’s literally no other website on Earth he could’ve been referring to, given the “Jones rushed for 4 TDs” style of Missouri’s pigskin coverage), relating to Regional Radio that “I told the kids, when people make up stuff about you, that means you’re good.”
The Geek avoids calling teams like Valle U. “good” or “bad” since rigged games delegitimize the sport they’re supposed to be playing in. (Nope, we aren’t saying the Valle-Festus debacle was “rigged,” since games vs ranked large schools are where Valle U. belongs if the Warriors plan to continue breaking MSHSAA’s academics-first enrollment rules in plain sight for another 30 years.) Private school All-Star teams are effective at putting points on a scoreboard. It’s almost like on “Coach’s Corner” when Ron MacLean pressed Don Cherry to say something nice about the Soviet Men’s Ice Hockey Team. “What d’ya want from me? They’re TALENTED, okay?!”
It’s not a common trope to invent stories about division-killing teams. Often, the reality of a Godzilla in your MSHSAA playoff District is bad enough without adding any myths to it. Jackson is the toughest team that goes up against our Dirty Dozen, and we’ve never contrived any fake tales about the 500-0 Varsity Indians. There was that one time that The Geek made fun of Jackson basketball coaches for giving dumb pep talks, but that was just kidding around to help the Hillsboro kids feel better about losing to JHS, that’s all.
Further, TGG isn’t sure what Mississippi Magazine is supposed to have “made up” about Valle U. this season. We’ve said that Valle doesn’t have killer athletes at every position (that’s what Coach Stacky says every year), that the Warriors are used to blowing schools away instead of getting beaten badly (true also), and concluded that Valle U. would have a better chance to beat Midmeadow Lane in a low-scoring contest. (Plainly true.)
Stacky did show class by calling The Geek a person, something that a lot of local haters would be unwilling to do. And it’s nice that Valle University acknowledges Mississippi Magazine as a prep football editorial blog by a single author from Jefferson County, as opposed to a “Tri-City fan blog” that represents FHS boosters, who see the Varsity Warriors as just another out-of-conference opponent.
If Valle’s pep talk described the blog as “a guy who makes up stuff” instead of “those jerks who live up in Festus,” then that saves The Gridiron Geek from one beast of a guilt trip, because we wouldn’t want to break Mark Messier’s #1 rule of competitive sports and create rival bulletin board fare that helps baddies bench-press on Tuesdays. Still, we’ve got to disagree with the idea that 1-1 Valle University is doing “good” right now, as the head coach claims.
Here’s how Valle U. stacks up against some other Valle-like sports brands in similar circumstances, past and present:
The Chinese Taipei Little League Team (One base-hit allowed in 15 World Series, pitcher yanked immediately)
Hulk Hogan (Undefeated in 2000 straight WWF/All-Japan matches, 1983-1989)
The Harlem Globetrotters (One loss to Washington Generals in 10,000+ games – said to have been a publicity stunt)
North Dakota State (21 FCS championships in 20 years)
Cardinal Ritter (2-0, 6 Points Allowed in 2023)
Lift For Life Academy (2-0, +72 Point Differential)
Lutheran North (2-0, +62 Point Differential)
Valle University (1-1, +1 Point Differential)
St. Mary’s (0-2, -25 Point Differential)
Valle U. avoids last place in the competition that it’s actually involved in, thanks to the bad start for St. Mary’s. But there’s clearly a long way to go in trying to climb up the ranks. Thankfully, Valle U.’s next few games are against schools that are only about 4-to-6 times larger than it is, a chance to rack up some Turbo Clock wins.
Remember, when Valle U. leads Fredericktown 99-0 after 12:00 this Friday, it’s not because Valle’s kids are any bigger or faster, or hand selected out of Grade School football camps. Fredericktown’s got just as many elite athletes as Valle U, but the Warriors work harder and have more character than the teenagers from other towns, a point Dex R. Stacky makes sure to imply in every interview.
On the down side, Lift for Life has been drawn into Valle U.’s state quarterfinal bracket in 2023. The Varsity Hawks could prove to work even harder and have even more character than Valle U.’s kids this postseason, maybe even 3+ touchdowns worth of extra character.
Hillsboro 35, Cape Girardeau Central 28
Blue & White wins Week 2’s most entertaining tilt, breaking a late 28-28 deadlock with a clutch drive in a scrum that was broadcast on YouTube, instead of hidden within ESPN’s flaky menu of streams as Bootheel Bengals home games often are. (Yes, TGG knows Cape Girardeau is a lot more “Boot” than “Heel,” but why throw away a nickname just because a few geography snobs object?)
The Geek never has time to rewatch 12 games of Friday footage, and Hillsboro’s box score from the clash at Cape appears to be a little incomplete – excuse the pun. HHS’s Brown brothers are listed as combining for around 350 or 400 rushing and passing yards, and that’s basically it. It’s also hard to learn much about Hillsboro’s huge win from SemoBall’s recap, which is all about the CHS perspective.
There’s a clue in the SemoBall story that bodes well for Hillsboro’s season, though. If you pay attention to the CHS coach’s quotes, he’s actually happy with the Tigers’ performance as compared to Cape Girardeau’s shaky start in St. Charles. If the perception among rival coaches (who study film unlike The Geek) is that 28 points is a “pleasing” performance for the reigning C5D1 champions against Hillsboro’s new defense, then the Leon Hall defense in question hasn’t fallen nearly as far behind without Austin Romaine, Jax Patterson, or Alex Medina on board as pundits expected it to.
Remember that Cape Girardeau Central was firmly in control of the schools’ W/L record vs each other until post-COVID. The CHS Tigers wouldn’t be “pleased” about having a close call against Hillsboro, unless the Hawks were just as feared as they were last season.
If HHS has got a more complete team than anticipated, that means Fort Zumwalt West can’t count on avenging last year’s W/L outcome vs Leon Hall any more than Cape Central could. Combined with the clear progress of the Festus R-6 defense this summer, it could help to avoid that 80+ point “basketball” game that could otherwise occur when Highway A’s rivals meet on 9/22. We’ll keep a net handy that the winning team can climb up a ladder and cut down, just in case.
Hillsboro doesn’t get this weekend’s prize for swinging above its head on defense though. That award goes to…
Herculaneum 14, Fredericktown 0
Wow. WOW. WOOOOW! The Herculaneum Blackcats are making a statement in 2023’s opening scrums, letting The Geek and others know that rumors of the Felines’ demise have been greatly exaggerated. Credit goes to skipper Bill Sucharski for reloading, not rebuilding, the Hillsboro Hawks defense, and R-6’s head coach A.J. Ofodile has clearly helped out Black & Gold’s D this offseason too. Frank Ray’s brand new SPX defense took Bishop DuBourg’s hot-shot quarterback to school on Friday, and Crystal City’s Dan Fox remains in Mississippi Magazine’s pantheon of top county coaches despite the sad (and greasy) recap of CCHS you’ll read in a few minutes. Nonetheless, HHS’s Blane Boss is on an inside track to “Coach of the Year” honors so far. Since Herculaneum plays football in the Mississippi league, that means more than one 2023 COTY award could be won by Herky’s miracle-working Boss (excuse the pun again), with his ’23 Herculaneum Blackcats playing genuinely GREAT on defense against all odds.
Herky’s defensive struggle with Windsor in Week 1 could be explained away via WHS having such a let-down debut. But now there’s 8 quarters of football on record, and Herculaneum’s no-name defense has allowed exactly 7 points to a Class 4 and a Class 3 program combined. HHS’s Anthony Galina has emerged as one standout, but the Blackcats’ defensive team stats are just crazy. Herky got near 15 kids on the score sheet while shutting-out a Fredericktown offense that stunned Jefferson High with a long touchdown early in Week 1’s contest, then hung around for 4 competitive quarters against the Blue Jays. 15 tacklers is an enormous number considering how many seniors that HHS graduated in 2023, and the ‘Cats nabbed 2 fumbles also.
If you had told The Geek a month ago that Herky vs Fredericktown would feel like more of a foregone conclusion in the 2nd half than JHS vs Fredericktown in Week 1, he would have laughed. No disrespect to a Blackcat underclass that’s playing well beyond its years and giving HHS a real darn-tootin’ shot at another winning season. But THIS, padawans, is what TGG calls coaching.
Suddenly, the Herculaneum at Jefferson kickoff of Week 3 doesn’t look like a 3rd-straight lopsided win to add to the Blue Jays’ 2023 regular-season mark.
Louisiana 18, Crystal City 12
The reason Crystal City fell to 1-1 is so simple and obvious, it harkens back to the prehistoric days when athletes began picking up balls and running with them. It’s understandable if the players think differently, since Louisiana did expose Crystal City for its lax Red Zone offense at an early stage, and the Varsity Bulldogs hung around in a scoreless 1st half as many of CCHS’s opponents do. Once the Hornets had been woken up by another 0-6 deficit, and senior Kanden Bolton bolted off for a 70-yard TD in the 3rd quarter, it felt like the favored team’s rout could be on.
But then the Crystal City Hornets started fumbling. They fumbled at the start of drives and at the end of otherwise good drives. They fumbled over and over and over again. The Hornets lost fumbles between the hashes, on the sideline, on special teams and on offense. The 1-1 Hornets fumbled all over the damn place.
Louisiana’s eked-out victory was epitomized by a sequence early in the final quarter. Crystal City drove to the LHS 30-yard line, and lost its 2nd fumble in less than 5:00 of game clock. Somehow, the CCHS defense held a fired-up Bulldog offense to just a few yards, forcing another Louisiana punt. Crystal City fumbled the punt.
We expected a lot of roadblocks to a tiny school making a championship bid this year. What no one could see coming was that after SO much progress made over the last 4 seasons, the Hornets reverting right back to the errors they made in 2019.
It’s always darkest before the dawn. But don’t tell that to team captains who have to walk into Coach Fox’s office this week. The old-school head coach might even try the famous trick of having student-athletes walk around campus gripping footballs in their hands, like a Home Eco class that gives kids baby-dolls to “guardian” and return unharmed for bonus grades.
Another big season on Bradley’s Farm is too valuable to let that baby go. Crystal City might score 2 touchdowns on 8 Red Zone attempts against Bayless in Week 3, but it won’t lose 5 fumbles in 10 minutes again, unless the Hornets want to see their coach’s head explode like an atomic bomb during his postgame talk.
St. Pius 74, Bishop DuBourg 14
The ’23 Lancers are introducing a hot new team to the county in stages, proving in Week 1 that St. Pius X’s crafty Wishbone can overcome a stacked opponent in heavy rain with ball-control, and demonstrating in Week 2 that finesse-based football teams have no business showing up at Hill Valley and expecting a fair fight. Bishop DuBourg’s QB Jack Masters had his worst day since leading a far-inferior Cavaliers lineup early last season, as Lancers DBs virtually accounted for more than 14 points.
Week 3 is when it gets real. SPX’s nascent power-rushing strategy could be a detriment against the huge 2023 Grandview Eagles. If head coach Frank Ray wanted to cast big-picture considerations aside for a week, St. Pius X could probably hurt the Birds of Prey a lot worse with a wide-open playbook than with the Wishbone. But we’ve got a hunch that Ray will stay the course, and keep James Smith’s offense close to the vest in any circumstance. The skipper will want to see SPX try to run-block a towering front-7.
If any Shop Class nerds in The Geek’s readership get a kick out of watching concrete and granite slam into each other, they’ll want to watch the Grandview vs St. Pius X game at GHS this weekend.
Jefferson 42, Cuba 0
The Geek almost nails another final score on the dot, but picking Jefferson’s cupcake games is easy now that the brand new R-7 offensive line has proven its mettle. Herky’s crazy-good defense puts JHS in an uncomfortable position, though, long before Jefferson’s coaches may’ve thought danger lurked in ’23.
Grandview 54, Bayless 8
Following the Eagles’ second straight runaway win on Friday, a Grandview coach inferred to The Geek that he wasn’t sure if Bayless is doomed to struggle again without last season’s ace tailback Mark Patton, or if GHS has simply grown so big and strong on the line of scrimmage that the ’23 Birds of Prey are destined to blow out all but the most physical league rivals.
We’ll know more after concrete meets granite on Friday. If the St. Pius Lancers are first wall that cracks, there won’t be much of an opportunity to call for help on social media, unless the Lancers are better at fighting for 5 square feet under the Grandview press box than fighting in the square-feet of the LOS against the big Birds.
Seckman 70, University City 0
Seckman joins St. Pius X (and maybe Grandview) as the Jeff County teams who could have fumbled as many times in a row as Week 2’s Crystal City Hornets did, and still won their games. Perhaps not with a halftime Turbo Clock, however.
Lafayette 56, Fox 25
We expected this. But the good news is that Fox coach Brent Tinker still sounds energized and hopeful going into Week 3’s tilt versus Lindbergh, which managed to complete just one single pass in a 17-7 loss to the Ladue Rams on Friday.
Parkway South 14, Northwest 7
Northwest will take heart in having scored first for the 2nd game in a row, but Cedar Hill should probably be more enthused about its defense – after a second straight impressive night in defeat – than a still-limping offense that is largely responsible for an 0-2 mark.
Sullivan 56, DeSoto 0
DeSoto coach Russ Schmidt smartly agreed to get Week 2’s “academic” game out of the way on Thursday night. Few county teams can hang with a Class 4 Show-Me Bowl contender anyway, but the Dragons might actually bother NCHS for a bit in Week 3.
Perryville 12, Windsor 0
Something is very, very wrong with the Albino Birds. TGG was prepared to tell the Festus Tigers that “it won’t get any easier” after facing St. Genevieve’s fine footballers for 2 weeks straight, given that Mr. Russ Schmidt is rebuilding Week 4’s opposing Desoto Dragons, just as Windsor suits up a zillion seniors around standouts like wide receiver A.J. Patrick this year.
But if the Windsor Owls don’t turn things around for a highly-touted offense that looks dead as a doornail, then The Geek can report to Black & Gold that Week 3 may, in fact, seem just a little bit easier.